September 16, 2009
Why do you keep popping in and out of my life? Do you think that it’s okay for you to toy with my emotions, I told you how it was, and we agreed it was from one side, so why do you keep coming back to me? If it’s a sign for something bigger, someone somewhere, let me know. I’m tired of not knowing what is going on. Is this some kind of punishment for my bad doing? I hurt, you found my weakness, she brings me down because I know I can’t have her, you won, you found my spot, congratulations, stop kicking me as I continue to fall. You won’t get me to hit the floor, keep trying.
Just keep moving forward, people do things for reasons unknown. Don’t let them break you. You’re stronger than this. They are mere meaningless souls hoping for a spark of what? Attention? Please, You are way passed it, I know it was a rocky day, but try to stay with the flow of positivity, no sense of moving down when you’ve tried this hard to get up to the point you’re at now. You’ve already accomplished the inevitable; let’s show them what you are really capable of. Everything, they can’t do and more. Jealousy maybe, you are a threat who is surprisingly a minority as well, the minority in more than just one way, think of all you have behind you, they’re on your side, she’s on your side, don’t let her down, she’s so proud for you just to let something like this get to you. You love her, she loves you. Your other she has also worked hard to get you here, dearest precious mother, I love you, I won’t give up, I feel the excitement of hearing my voice it makes me so happy to make you proud for once, I won’t let you down again, not this time, I can’t, I know now how much or remotely as to how you much you really hurt and care. You’re strong but I see through you, not so good at hiding from me mother, I’m the same way, can’t run from yourself, I miss you.
Sincerely,
Yours
10pm
The fascinating thing isn’t that you finished, it’s that you had the courage to get up and start.
4pm
September 15, 2009
I’m feeling depressed a bit, since I’ve been gone so much has gone on. I know I wasn’t close to you, but I feel like I could of changed that. That horrible deed you comitted. I wish your seed was able to live at least a day in the life amongst the other human beings. Selfish. Childish. Don’t comit the mortal sin of your sexuality if you can’t handle the outcome. Murderer. Evil. Demonic event on such an innocent soul. A beautiful replica of a small part of you. Never got a chance never will. Rest with the angels sweet baby. You’ll meet your mother someday. Don’t be mad, she doesn’t know better, let her know how you feel and hold her if she makes it to where you are. Love her.
…
3pm
August 10, 2009
So much to say, not a single thing can be expressed, have a tremendous burden on my shoulders, this weight may never be lifted, she’s gone and it’s because of me, she hurts, due to my faults, I know it’s a horrible way for it to come to now, but deep down she knows why it did, she’s right about me ya know, I am a slut, I’m nasty, I don’t care about much, but she was on the opposite end, I shed a tear not because it was all an act, but it too hurt me, I want to call and make it all better, but will she be there to count down the days yet again, anticipating my next flake out of her life, she puts up with it yes, but shouldn’t have to, it’s wrong, desperate and pathetic, she knows it but can’t seem to turn away and stop it, it’s my job to do so, she left it up to me, the lies I told her crushed me more than her, because I know I was lying, and I knew how it made her feel but I made myself think I didn’t care about it and continued to throw out what I knew would retract her feelings, our friendship was important, this whole time I took it away without discussion, but not this time, we decided it was right, she said things she knew was hurtful and I did too, difference is she meant her things, she did it to hurt me. I did it to take the hurt away… Forever.
For what it’s worth, I do have a heart, it feels not much of anything, at least not the surface, and I do feel, not good, and not all the time, but I do feel, I feel anger, as a substitution for sadness, yeah I don’t give second chances, don’t be upset because I am strong willed, be mad because you’re weak.
11pm
August 26th 2009
Today, well last night, I saw you, you disgust me to the fullest, you screwed me over and I now realize I don’t care because you are nothing but a bottom feeder that matters to me as much as any other piece of tail. You made an attempt at moving in, I brushed it away easily, you were hurt yes, but I didn’t care, you hurt me too, remember?> But enough time spent on you, I’ve found a her that has mattered for about seven years now. Small and simple. She really dazzles me in all possible aspects, looks, character, ambitions, everything. It really is something. I knew I felt this way at one point and once the feelings fled I thought they were gone for good. They in fact remain but have been buried under months, or perhaps years, of cob webs in which I have built on my own in my very heart and soul. Blah blah, I honestly don’t know much else to say, but you are slowly and surely making me realize this is all a big dream, I’m waking up soon and afraid that I won’t be able to fall back asleep or see this dream again..
I hope I can fall back to sleep and continue on from this spot.A
7pm
